livingwithoutbeethoven day 1

Day 1 of what is to be our new reality for the next 730 days…Marco is in flight, heading to his new position at the Lowy Cancer Centre, University of New South Wales in Sydney, Australia.  The holidays were a series of goodbyes, trying to cram in as many visits, dinners, breakfasts, coffees, glasses of wine with friends as possible, as well as spending quality time with our family.  We have been preparing for today since September and honestly, we were all ready for this moment (or as ready as we could be).  There is only so long you can talk things through, worry about the future, prepare, plan, stress, cry, laugh, convince yourself that it’s a great thing that’s happening, then panic because maybe it isn’t, then get excited again…and on and on and on.

There are a few things I’ve learned or re-discovered during this process:

1.  We were in a rut.  Not a bad rut, just a rut.  Spinning our wheels, not fully appreciating the lives we lead.  These past weeks we have felt excitement (and trepidation) about our future and I think we feel more alive than we have in some time.
2. Our family is really okay.  Really really okay.  We all love each other, and we even like each other (at least most of the time 🙂 ).  I think we forget that sometimes, or maybe we just take it for granted.  We forget to tell each other.  Marco and I really took the time over the past couple of months to appreciate how amazing our relationship really is.  We also saw our children, Casimir and Marieke, through a new lens.  Wow, what beautiful, talented and empathetic souls they are.  We are so blessed.  We’re not perfect, and that’s really okay, but we are so fortunate.
3. I am still capable.  It’s easy to become dependent, maybe too dependent, on others.  Today, before Marco left, we decided I should have a refresher course in chopping wood as he has become the chief wood chopper in our house and I don’t think I’ve done it for years.  What a blast!  I need practice, but I can still do it.  Even with my arthritic fingers!  We had so much fun in that little lesson a couple of hours before we left for the airport.
4. Our family comes from a place of privilege.  Yes, we are sad to be apart for two years.  Yes, some tears were shed.  Some moments I feel like I might not be able to do this.  But seriously, to have the privilege to be able to experience this is something we are all so grateful for.  Many families would give anything for the opportunity to make change in their lives, to travel, to feel the excitement of newness, but they are not able to.

So today this wild adventure begins.  We had our moments of trying to let go over the past few days, but in trying to let go, we just got closer. How wonderful is that?

As I blog each week, I know I’ll have some bad days when I feel lonely and just want a hug; I’ll have nights when I can’t sleep because I’m just a little bit afraid of the dark; the time difference will frustrate me because I can’t just pick up the phone and call whenever it suits me; our kids, even as adults, will miss their Dad and I won’t be a good enough replacement.  Over the next weeks and months, I’ll likely write about the little details of life without beethoven.  Sometimes this will be a whiner’s blog, sometimes it will be a travel blog, sometimes it will be an exuberant tale of some new discovery.

Life is too short to stand still.