Well, it’s just over 100 days since beethoven’s departure so it seems a good time to jot my thoughts down. Typically, I think of a topic first and then I start to write. Honestly, I have been having some trouble coming up with a ‘theme’ for today’s blog. Things are going so well with Marco and I on our ‘great adventure’ that I wasn’t sure what I’d write about. For those of you who don’t know, I did spend 21 of my last 100+ days visiting Australia, so while Canada has been living without beethoven for 100 days, I technically, have not. In fact, between visiting, face-timing, phone calls and text messages I think it’s possible that we talk more than we ever did when we were living together. That’s been a good thing! So, what has changed for us so far?
- Photo booth in a train station somewhere between Halifax & Montreal in 1988…
When Marco and I met in Halifax, we were both in our late twenties and very independent, having each lived on our own for quite sometime. We were enjoying the freedom that comes with that independence and were very content with our lives as they were. However, we connected nonetheless, and as our years together clicked along, our strengths and weaknesses melded together. Without realizing it, eventually we took on what we were best at and leaned on the other for those things we weren’t as good at, or things the other did better. As practical as that was, it meant that we became dependent on one other for certain things. For example, I stopped doing things like household repair jobs (in my past life, I had stripped my hardwood floors, re-enameled a bath tub, rewired some plugs and owned my own well-equipped toolbox). I began to focus more on cooking, which I loved to do, and dealing with things like making appointments for the kids, answering the phone (Marco’s most hated task), dealing with
teachers, volunteering at school, and taxes. Marco was the bike fixer, the guy who could always fix something that didn’t work around the house, whether it was a computer, a light fixture, the washing machine. He was also definitely the ‘plant guy’ – our various homes were always filled with plants, thanks to Marco. Thankfully, we shared the housework (although I think Marco likely did the lion’s share. We didn’t intend for this division of labour to happen, it just did. And, of course, we both compromised often – weighing what was really important and worth fighting over, and what we were willing to give up.
When faced with the prospect of Marco leaving, I panicked when I realized I had lost track of many things that I would suddenly need to be responsible for. I had lost confidence in my capabilities to do things for myself. In fact, if I am to be completely truthful, I could sometimes be a bit ‘needy’, which is not a characteristic that I’m particularly fond of. We’re four months into this journey and while I still prefer to have Marco home, I feel like I am getting my confidence back – the confidence that I can look after myself. That’s such a great feeling. Really that’s the person Marco fell in love with (at least I think so!) – the confident, strong-willed, independent student he met in 1987 at Dalhousie. And it was the same for me – Marco was confident, not at all needy or demanding of my time, and to top it all off, he was really smart! For awhile we each put up a good fight to maintain our personal space and our sense of independence, but eventually those lines grew a bit fuzzy and we learned the art of compromise and space-sharing.
As we spend this time apart, I feel like we’re actually becoming more like the two people who met and fell in love back in the eighties. I know, that sounds so cheesy, but I don’t know how else to describe it. We’re different of course – older, hopefully a bit wiser…but we’re also feeling confident about the choices we’ve made and about our ability to see this adventure through and to really enjoy the journey. And, let’s face it, confidence can be pretty attractive. This adventure is reminiscent of our decision in 1991 to pack up with a tiny baby and move from Vancouver to the Netherlands, with no idea of whether or not it would work. We didn’t even know if Marco had a job when we left Canada. We just knew it was something we had to do and it was worth the risk.
Well, enough of this blogging for tonight, I’ve got things to do.I still make an effort NOT to kill too many of Marco’s plants and it is a watering day. As the weather improves I’m sure I will feel a bit overwhelmed at the prospect of digging up the garden and getting the planting done. There are a few windows that need replacing. It’s soon time to power wash the deck and get a new coat of stain of it once the weather warms up. At least the wood chopping is done for the season. Oh, and the laundry…Marco had taken that over and now I have to squeeze that into my busy schedule as well.
cindy rublee - living without beethoven 