600
It’s Day 600 of living without Marco. Well, technically Marco was home for a short visit at Christmas and I’ve been to Australia now 5 times, but actually Day 600 of our journey. I haven’t posted for some time, I don’t believe I even mentioned our brief trip to Tasmania (although those of you who are Facebook friends, may have noticed my obsession with the Tasmanian Devil).
Well, about a week ago, my house became much emptier. Last week Marieke moved on to Montreal to do her Masters in Art History and the house just became very very quiet. The cats and I. Phew, am I that woman? A cat lady by default? Well, they are lovely, and great company, but I won’t be having 28 of them, so I think I’m okay. But, IS the house really quiet? Do I feel very very alone?? Do I yearn for the sound of the human voice??? NO I DO NOT! Why?? Because of my freaking iPad, that’s why!
So, just an aside – do you remember the Spartans and their 300 men battling the Persians (480-479 BC)? The Greek force was very small but determined (Marco and I) to make a stand against the huge Persian army (Harper). Imagine a fight so hard there were actually 600 Spartans needed to win, not just 300! Well, we’ve been battling this separation just like that! But the evil is so great (King Darius=Steven Harper) that we needed 600 days to conquer it!! How did we conquer this separation? We called in the help of the infamous warriors, the iPads! Okay, I know this analogy is a bit of a stretch, but Marco was very excited to have it included in my blog. 600 days is a big deal and, in his mind, he imagined us battling evil, while all the while, we’ve actually been having a bit of fun.

So, how are things after 600 days with the help of our iPads? A typical evening at home – iPad buzzes.
Marco: Hey, I sent you that info on Tasmania that (garble…poor connection…waiting…waiting)
Me: I can’t hear you. Bad connection. Oh, I was going to tell you….(Marco interrupts)
Marco: How are the cats?
Me: Why did you interrupt me? I was just in the middle of telling you something.
Marco: I can’t hear you. You’re frozen. I’ll call you later.
Phone rings…it’s Mom.
Mom: I tried to Facetime you but you didn’t answer.
Me: I was talking to Marco.
Mom: How are the cats? Is that Paulus purring? Put the receiver closer.
Me: (iPad buzzes) Oh, that’s Marco trying to Facetime me, Mom – I’ll call you back. Hi Marco.
Marco: Hi. That’s better. How’s Paulus? Can I hear him purring?
Me: Yes, that’s him. What are you having for supper?
Marco: I’m making a salad with an entire cup of tahini dressing on it. Looks good, hey? Can I call you later? Casimir just texted and said he was going to try to FaceTime me.
Me: Okay, talk to you later. (iPad buzzes) Hi Marieke, how’s Montreal?
…and so it goes, thanks to our friends the iPads. With cutting edge technology, we’ve managed to make it to Day 600! We’ve stared at the great divide, Mr. Harper, and we didn’t back down…in the words of Sara Mclachlan (Marco wanted this included in this post somehow, a favorite of his – we know that this song is about something completely unrelated, but there are a few words that fit nicely)…
“Listen as the wind blows from across the great divide – voices trapped in yearning, memories trapped in time – the night is my companion, and solitude my guide.”
So, I have a love/hate relationship with the very thing that kept me sane over this past two years. Isn’t that typical? To fall in love with your captor? Don’t get me wrong, it’s better than writing a letter and waiting 3 weeks for a response. It’s wonderful to talk to a face and not just a voice over the phone. It does, however, have its challenges. Delays, staring at the ceilings of our loved ones while they cook dinner…misunderstandings because it’s not always easy to read someone over a video that is sometimes patchy…interrupting each other due to a delay in audio…watching your partner’s frozen face, typically we freeze when we either have our mouths wide open, or a grimace, or with a tilted head so the person on the other end can see five frozen minutes of the inside of our giant nostrils. It is a test – of that I’m certain.

We’ve managed it all pretty well. Sometimes we just email for a bit because it seems easier to make ourselves understood, it’s a chance to be thoughtful. But having said all of that, I am DONE. This has been a great adventure, we still have our very exciting trip to New Zealand to look forward to in October and I am sad to see my visits to Australia coming to a close. Two years will have been long enough to live apart most of the time and then intensely close in a tiny apartment for 3 week periods. I think we’ve done it beautifully, to be honest and although I can’t speak for Marco, I think he’d say the same. We made the right decision and it’s been a great adventure.
The biggest irritation right now would have to be talking on this freaking piece of technology every day, to the majority of my family (thank you Casimir for being in the city and not a big fan of communication by technology). Well, glad I got that off my chest. Have to run. Going to Facetime Marco! Oh, and then maybe I’ll check in with Marieke…oh, I hear my Mom calling – she must want to talk to the cats.
Next post…who knows? Maybe I’ll fill you in on my fascination with the reproductive habits of the Tasmanian Devil…By the way, this post was written with some suggestions from my partner in crime…across the great divide, but by email this time.

question, it was because of my own insecurities and my need for approval.
In the words of Dr. Seuss…“How did it get so late so soon?”
painting. I wrote in my last blog about how it calmed my mind. What I realize is that it also gives me an outlet for expressing myself, something I have been trying to achieve with my blog posts. Sometimes, however, words actually get in the way of what I’m feeling. It’s hard to explain, but a friend of mine who paints, talks about her watercolours sometimes getting ‘muddy’. I think I know what she means – you work and work the painting until you’ve lost it. The colours may become less transparent, the work gets muddled and you wish you’d known when to stop. Words are like that too, I think. When I write, I try to search for the ‘essence’ of what I’m feeling, but sometimes I clutter that up with too much detail, too many words.
Through painting, I’m feeling less of a need to write my feelings down. So far, my paintings are mostly of birds, so I’m not exactly painting what I’m feeling in the moment. However, when I play with the colours and watch them meld together, it gives me what I call my ‘hummingbird calm’ – that feeling I wrote about in my very first blog. The feeling that carried me through the death of my Father last fall, and the departure of Marco in January. The feeling that I tried so hard to replicate in the months after Marco left. I found it in the most unlikely of places – standing at the kitchen counter of Marco’s tiny apartment one day, playing with paint. Somehow I discovered strength and peace in the simple process of adding water to colour.
I’m now back in Sydney for my second visit. This visit was easier than the first in some ways as I knew what to expect, where to find things, and we had some exciting travel plans. It has been different, though – it’s winter here and I arrived with a serious case of influenza, which I quickly shared with my partner in crime. With the exception of a couple short outings, we spend the first four days in bed (no, not the honeymoon kind) – high fevers, aching joints, sore throats, hacking coughs…confined to the 350 square foot apartment with no heat. At 6C in the night, we were armed with hot water bottles, medicine and extra blankets. It was a true endurance test!! The first two days, I was the sicker, so Marco was the caregiver. The second two days, Marco was sicker, so I became the caregiver. Then we were just fed up and neither of us really felt up to doing much care-giving. 
crocodiles and snakes as we floated down the Daintree River. We learned that crocodiles only eat stupid people, a sort of natural selection. In fact, two weeks before we went, there was a terrible tragedy involving two women – after too much drinking in celebration of one woman’s triumphant fight against cancer, and after many warnings, the women ran into the ocean (near the Daintree delta) at night in an area that is notorious for crocodiles. One of the women lasted a few seconds before being taken by a crocodile, the other is still in hospital suffering from shock. The saddest part is that they then shoot the crocodile if they can find it, in it’s own habitat.